LIFE FLOWS

I started reading a new book by Irvin Yalom, 'Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death.' Yalom is mind-blowing. He is magnificent!

Yesterday at work, I was angry at myself. Sometimes I talk like a hypocrite. Who am I to make premature conclusions?! Now it is obvious that even at 'Mavericks' there are decent people. After a month of work, things are starting to get concrete. By the way, besides Kalita (stress on the second syllable)—the beautiful manager I mentioned earlier—I now like another girl from the 'dancers.' I don't understand where this comes from: when I like a woman, all words disappear, I don't know what to say. I usually feel stupid because of this. And I like them often.

'A woman is a miracle. And a gift.' Who said: 'Man is God and creator, and woman is Goddess and keeper'? I gradually came to this thought, which grew into a conviction. I won't shout about it in the middle of the street and convince everyone. It is enough to believe and feel.

A person is a powerful source of energy. Our dreams have the potential to come true. Sometimes it seems to me that waves are starting to ripple out from me. Or rather, as if I myself am a wave, just spreading from the center in a circle. I am an energy cluster. An amazing feeling. And I didn't feel this in myself much before. I couldn't hold onto the energy for long.

When a person meets their soulmate, their energies unite and the flow becomes more powerful—that's obvious.

I finished reading 'The Bridge Across Forever' by Richard Bach the day before yesterday. Often people don't believe that such a level of relationship is possible. In his book, Bach talks about himself, his views, meeting his future wife, and much of what happened to them afterward without embellishment.

For me, this is a book that extends a bridge to all of us, saying, 'You ask: if love exists, show us at least one couple who lives happily?! Okay, we'll tell you about us! After all, we are that couple!'

A question I have never answered in my posts before:

WHAT DO I WANT FROM LIFE? WHY DID I END UP IN AFRICA?

Actually, this characterizes me to some extent. I don't like 'tested and tried.' Well, like America or Europe, in the case of travel. I want to be a pioneer, or almost one. If I knew of the existence of such a place on earth where no human foot had yet stepped—there is no doubt, almost certainly, I would want to go there.

For roughly the same reason that I am here, I want to visit Australia, New Zealand, and New Guinea. Go somewhere in Asia. Vitka (a friend) is very attracted to everything Asian. So, I'm thinking about it too. By the way, I hope he will also be here in January—he will come to rest and visit. I think it will be great!

Overall, regarding travel, I want to say that it is worth... traveling, seeing, FEELING. And as a 'final point' for me—a flight into space, from which I would get such a shake-up that I could say to myself afterward: well, that's it, Syom! You can go home now.

And what is home? Seventy percent of it is we ourselves. Another twenty percent is the people surrounding us. And only ten percent is a specific place. But all of this is very, very important!

Yes, and I also want to answer the question...

WHO AM I?

It always seems immodest, indecent, and too presumptuous to say that I am a writer. And a psychologist. Moreover, quite a good one. My tongue doesn't turn to say that. Besides, it's awkward and one could be subjected to serious criticism for this, even by oneself. But this is THE ONLY thing I can do (at least somehow), that I like, and in which I want to move and improve.

And I dream, at least, of getting money for my literature. And since things haven't worked out with book royalties yet, I have to be 'somewhere in between' all the time. Desires and possibilities, for example.

I'm terribly tired of working as who knows what all the time and doing all sorts of boring things. I don't want to delve into and spend a lot of time on things that don't interest me at all. But where to get money for life? How can one simultaneously, say, travel and not think about where to get the funds for it?!

I also want love, a family. My children would probably love me sometimes. And I would love them continuously.

ABOUT POLITICS

After I wrote somewhere in earlier posts that in Cape Town they are more willing to hire white people, Sveta (a friend) was surprised and asked: 'And I thought it was in America or somewhere else that there is discrimination against blacks, but not in Africa.' Actually, she is right. This is indeed the case.

I am actually poorly oriented in the political situation in South Africa. True, Stas told me a few things, and I can tell you based on his words. Maybe the Internet, newspapers, and magazines will provide more detailed and correct information about this, or maybe not. I don't really trust the media. I trust Stas more.

So, they have this Zuma here—a dude aiming for the presidency. Of course, black. Blacks hold absolute power in the country. There are two parties: the main one, managing the political situation, 'settled' in such major cities as Johannesburg, Durban, Kimberley, and, of course, Pretoria, and the small 'white party,' to which Cape Town is 'given.' Helen Zille—the mayor of Cape Town—is white.

Well, as I understood it.

So, the first name Stas heard here when he moved here two and a half years ago from the Emirates was the name Zuma. He allegedly raped someone there, and was also involved in fraud or some more serious crimes. And now he is the face of the main party and all the blacks in the upcoming presidential elections are stupidly going to vote for him. Only because of the color of their skin. It's both funny and sad. Like at home, and like everywhere in politics! Are America and Europe, or Ukraine and Georgia any better, really?!

But let's return to South Africa. There is such a person, surely many have at least heard of him—Nelson Mandela. Ex-ex-president of South Africa. I think he turned ninety recently. They say he is a very good guy. He has an interesting fate. He is one of those who fought for the end of apartheid, after which, actually, he became president.

So, Nelson Mandela stood for the equalization of the peoples of South Africa and the overcoming of all discrimination. He stood for the equality of blacks, coloreds, and whites.

However, no one took up the baton after him and the situation now is exactly the opposite: basic rights for blacks, then for coloreds, and only then for whites.

In all banks, government institutions, and government structures, there are only blacks. I think there are quite a few of them on television and in other media (but I don't get into all that; and I visit the TV once every six months, no more often).

The state helps people with dark skin a lot. For example, in the development of large and small businesses, creating the most convenient conditions. The main thing is to have a head on your shoulders and have the desire to act.

It may sound impressive, but in reality, the situation is almost caricatured. Blacks for the most part don't want to work, don't think, but want to have everything. And if they do something, they do it 'half-assed' (only with a swear word).

I have a mass of examples before my eyes: instead of working, they stand around for nothing and wag their tongues. For example, the service staff: they wash... the floor, say, dishes; they wash clothes—well, you'd want to rip their hands off. Everything is always 'half-assed.' Well, that's... what they have!

And since in Cape Town the city administration and business, apparently, are run by many whites, even the mayor is a 'boer,' the result is obvious. There are many job vacancies, it's not particularly problematic to get a job. The city is beautiful. Clean. Everyone comes here to earn money, and not only from South Africa but also from neighboring countries. By local standards, they pay well here. And Cape Town itself is growing and developing.

So draw your own conclusions!

The whole country was civilized by whites. Only they treated blacks like cattle back then. An example, if we speak banally: they liked a house, for example. And blacks lived there. Whites would come there and kill the tenants, take their house. They didn't care about anything. And now blacks don't care about anything. One thing is pleasing, civilization has been launched, and the process is going on. People, although slowly for now, are moving away from their savagery.

November 04, 2008