Rome greets us with the wrought-iron steps of the gangway, the wind, and the sun in our eyes. The voices around us blend into a thick Babylonian porridge. We apply caustic black mascara to our lashes in the WC under the disdainful glares of elderly Italian women, beautiful and wrinkled like overripe apples.

—Excuse me, are you Russian?

A young, red-haired, blue-eyed girl asks something about charging a netbook in broken Russian with a distinct Romance accent. Wow, someone is happy to see us. It’s very unusual to suddenly start defining yourself inside your head not by gender, social or age group, but by nationality. It doesn't matter what color your hair is or what music is in your headphones — you are part of a huge and complex organism with shared DNA. For some reason, being Russian feels awkward, almost like being naked.

Two good-natured, graying gentlemen refer to us as "Swedes." Nope. But it’s nice.

We look for Wi-Fi and don't find any. The Roman airport is as huge as a city block. A monorail car shuttles between its three buildings, which are arranged in a ring. To the right, a lonely skyscraper flashes by, topped with the huge letters PRADA.

An elderly mustachioed barista works magic over my macchiato, simultaneously delivering an incredibly beautiful and hopelessly incomprehensible monologue to a woman with provocatively bright makeup and a strange surgical device on her leg that looks like a complex leg holster.

Dana has declared a hunger strike, Lera doesn't like boys in denim shorts, and a real Roman pigeon is walking on the floor between gates 13 and 12. Two nuns in white habits are munching on chips. Bright images change with almost audible clicks. Nine hours pass like this, and we are about to take off again.

Situational Phrasebook:

Could you give me one more fork? Fork please. FOOORK! [fɔːrk] - Could I have another fork, please.

plug in [plʌg ɪn] - to charge (devices). In some airports, outlets are located right in the floor under flip-up protective plates.

free (WiFi) [friː ˈwaɪfaɪ] - free benefits. Something that doesn't exist in the Roman airport.

No time to pizza! [nəʊ taɪm tuː ’piːtsə] - Order something else.

Boarding time [’bɔːrdɪŋ taɪm] - boarding time. In American (and European) airports, tickets indicate the start time for boarding. In Russian ones, they indicate the takeoff time.